What It’s Like Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

 What is it really like to be a stay-at-home mom? Well, I can only answer that question for myself.  Being a stay-at-home mom brings on a rush of emotions. I absolutely love being a mom. I love my son and I enjoy being home with him everyday. But at times, it can be tricky. The responsibility of any first time parent is weighty. Being a hundred percent responsible for another human being is stressful. Being a stay-at-home parent, ups the ante. Imagine a job where you can’t punch out at the end of your shift. That’s any good stay-at-home mom! The easy way to explain being a stay-at-home mom is to list out the pros and cons.

Pros to Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

The pros to being a stay-at-home mom are endless! As a mother, the love you have for your little one makes this gig totally worthwhile!

1. Saving Money for My Family

By staying home with my son, my family saves a ton of money. Daycare is expensive! In my state, daycare averages around $1200 per month. So saving approximately $14,400 per year is a great reason to be home with my son.  This number doesn’t include the gas money to drive him to and from a daycare. I estimate saving $700 – $1000 per year in gas driving to and from daycare. Especially in this moment, where gas prices are skyrocketing! Living in a rural area, most things are far away and there’s not many daycares to choose from. Overall, my take away is that the first 15,000 I’d make would be gone to childcare expenses. Without a full-time and high paying job, the costs just don’t work out. This is why SAHMs often look for positions to work from home.

2. I Know My Son is Safe & Well Taken Care of

I appreciate not having to worry about who’s caring for my child and how they’re caring for him. There are wonderful caretakers out there, who really love children. They actually love their job and are happy being with kids everyday. Unfortunately, there are some people who don’t love their job or simply don’t like children. This is scary when as a parent I know you need patience, tolerance and a lot of love in moments when your child is happily bouncing off the walls or totally melting down. Who could have my son’s best interest at heart, more than me?

There are those who would negatively influence him or introduce subjects or ideas I may not agree with or would wait to bring up. Worst case scenario, there are people who are perverted or would harm a child. I’ve worked in a daycare as a teenager. While some of the caregivers were very nice people, the owners were a horror show. They often said things or made jokes that I felt were inappropriate for little children. I remember a little boy kept complaining that he was cold and they wouldn’t allow him to get his jacket. By staying home, these are things I don’t have to worry about. I’m especially concerned during these early years, since my son can’t talk and express any concerns to me.

3. Less Stress For Him

Daycare can be a wonderful place for children to learn and be amongst their peers while their parents are at work. It can also help build independence though spending time away from mommy and daddy. Still, it’s very easy for children, especially little children to be overwhelmed or stressed in this type of environment. Children under 36 months who spend a lot of time at daycare may experience higher levels of stress. As the day goes on, their stress hormone increase. Overtime, this could lead to issues including poor sleep, irritability and behavioral problems.

4. I Get to See All His Milestones

Being with my son all the time means I see everything. Every first step, every new word and accomplishment. Seeing the growth week to week is amazing! Seeing his language develop and him understand more and more is very rewarding as a mom. I look at him…like how did he grow so fast. It’s crazy! If I were not a stay-at-home mom, it’s likely I would miss a lot of these moments. My husband enjoys these moments, but usually misses some of the firsts. He hears about them and sometimes has to wait days or weeks until he repeats the milestone. I find it rewarding to be there to witness and praise him.  A great example is that he’s been using his spoon and properly feeding himself for the last to months. However, it took two months of working with him to see him able to do it on his own. He’s gained additional independence and it’s so rewarding to see!

5. We Have a Great Bond

I love the bond he and I have. I love the cuddles and the quality time we spend together. Is anything really better than cuddles from your child? There’s nothing better smelling (minus the poops) or warmer than your little one. The funny squeals and heartfelt belly laughs are too adorable to resist. I’ve had many days when I feel tired, but those laughs are a sure and fast way to boost my spirit. Spending many hours a week in daycare could possibly weaken our bond. Spending less time together can easily do this. After working, I would try to fit in exercise, cooking, clean/errands and a full bedtime routine. This doesn’t leave much fun time for us to have for fun and learning at home. I enjoy my son’s company and love that he will have many memories with his mom. Laughing moments. Learning moments…and so many more. I don’t want his biggest memory of me to be that I wasn’t there.

Cons to Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

I’d like to skip this part, but I have to be honest. Being a stay-at-home mom is not a leisurely job. It’s not a job that “lazy” people do because they don’t want to go to work. Being a stay-at-home mom is a 24/7 career choice that will last as many years as you can endure and enjoy. Please remember all the wonderful pros we already discussed.

1. I’m A Teacher

Without your child receiving educational programs, you have to be a teacher. As my son starts understanding more, I have to find more things to keep him busy. More ways for him to learn. Right now he’s learning to say & count from 1 to 10. He’s 21 months and this is something he loves doing. However, teaching a toddler is hard work and there’s no guide on how to teach your child. You learn as you go.

What will help get his attention? How many minutes before he loses interest? What does he enjoy doing? What games can I play with him to help him learn? At times, I may wonder… am I doing this right? As long as I put in the effort and present him with learning tools…he’s like a sponge. So yes, I am doing it right…and so are you, mama! If you find it challenging try talking to other moms or pediatrician to get ideas to help development.

2. Being a 24/7 Mommy

As a SAHM, it’s like I’m a 24-hour gas station! My child relies on me even when my husband comes home. At this gas station, I’m the only cashier my son sees. Because I’m his primary caretaker, that’s what he recognizes me as. Daddy gets home, but he will walk right past him to me, to get whatever he needs. I love that my son relies on me, but that means finding a few moments to have a break doesn’t happen very often. Time to blog…doesn’t happen often. Time for self-care doesn’t happen often.

So, if I don’t literally clock out and disappear, (leaving …. my husband as the only cashier on duty) there isn’t time to relax. On the weekends its hard to take an hour to just switch off because I’m so used to being 24/7 mommy. I enjoy family time, so pulling away to do other things…becomes hard. However, for the last month I have been taking personal time when it’s available to me. Self-care moments, time to wind down and time to catch up on hobbies is a great way to beat 24/7 mommy syndrome.

3. You Burn Out

This is so real! Burnout in early motherhood is so severe. But it’s not all that much better as your infant becomes a tot. My son’s needs have changed, but needing me…hasn’t. He’s in that testing period. Finding himself, but seeing what he can get away with and what he can’t. Whining when he doesn’t get his way. Whining sometimes escalates to outright crying and screaming. It’s exhausting! His pediatrician warns to ignore the tantrums, but its hard when he looks at you with tears bubbling and that look, like ‘mommy fix it please’. Setting boundaries and being a responsible parent is so important.

The other part of burn out is simply being in the house too often. Literally staying home and not having other adult conversation can make you feel isolated. Combat this by going out. Go outside, take your child to the library, park , zoo, etc. Do somethings to help your child stay occupied and blow off access energy. Also do some things you enjoy and put you at ease. Go shopping, stop for a pretzel at the mall, visit family and friends weekly. This gives your child time to interact with others and you time to have adults conversation.

The older he gets, picking him up and flipping him backward in a car seat is a nightmare. Did I mention I’m not a bodybuilder? When my son falls asleep and I have to carry him to bed, it’s like a slow race to get him there, before my arms give out.

When the day is tough and you need a 30 minute/hour break, try an educational program for your child, like BabyFirst shows.

4. You Give In Sometimes

There are times when you just give in. Yes, we should ignore the tantrums, but when you’ve been in the house with your child all day, your brain farts…and sanity wavers just a tiny bit. You have moments when you break. Yes… those standoffs you have with your toddler, but your tolerance for his ear piercing screams is much shorter than his lung power. And you become the yes parent.

Yes to the hour of tv. Yes to the extra snack. Oh…and yes to running around barefoot, even though the floor is chilly. And yes to feeling guilty. While you may be a great mom…the reality is you’re not a superhero and you get tired… just like every other human. The brilliant thing here is after a hour of giving in ( and some much needed deep breaths) rational mom comes back. And she says, “let’s put your house shoes back on kiddo!”

Being a stay-at-home mom is a personal choice. And no decision is right or wrong. Weigh out your pros and cons and decide what’s best for you. If you are already a stay-at-home mom…what is your favorite part and your least favorite part of staying home?